im not a typical buttey, im not a buttey at all. i hate riding the bus anyway. i trully do. for someone who has been riding a bus for years and years, i still hate it. even with the horror stories you hear about "bussing". some people get carried away to destinations they never envisioned before and get beheaded......oh bother
anyway, why do i hate the bus?
should i start with the press of bodies?
i hate feeling like im in an enclosed space....is that claustrophbia or something? i dunno. im not really comfortable with touching others or being touched. now in a bus, you ain't got no choice. there's a press of bodies left, right and centre. i totally hate that and as per not being a buttey now, i aint got no choice.
bussing for me can be a funny experience especially with conductors. they can be so much fun!
with thier dirty mouths that need washing out with soap as they insult anyone who dares to ask for change or make a comment about thier transportation vehicle. i am always so amused as i see a driver or conductor getting thier groove on with a passenger who argues the cost of transportation or something.
lets look at this sketch for instance.............
conductor:yaba, yaba, yaba, enter with your 80 naira change o, if u no get change your money na 100 naira.
my mind: please nobody challenge him unless u need trouble.
unfortunate passenger: wetin u mean? if i no get change nko?
nutty conductor: i don talk am o...u no get change ur money na 100 naira, if u no like am , make u come down o...
passenger: we go see!
after we have all paid....the conductor deliberately leaves out the change of he/she that had the guts to contradict him.....
passenger: conductor where my change?
conductor: begins to whistle....
passenger: conductor.....
conductor: silence
passenger: conductor, abi u no hear?
conductor: a look of utter denseness....(if that's a word)
passenger:conductor......
conductor: (ready for trouble)....passenger
passenger:conductor
conductor:passenger
passenger: my change?
conductor: i don talk before abi u no hear? infact i no get change....
passenger: u no get change abi? wetin u wan make i do?....yada yada yada....until others intervene, all the while the conductor has been "catching trips" like they call it.
i remember one of my hair raising experiences with a conductor. it was quite recent sef. i don't ever talk to conductors because i know better. well, this stupid day, i was on my way to ikeja from the island and the conductor said the bus was 120 naira....now that was not the first time a lot of us on that bus were going that way and a lot of us knew that the bus was a 100 naira. i kept quiet because i was reading a book. other people in the bus were not that quiet sha. they got mad......
the guy probably had a bad day cos he shouted them down.....get down if u can't pay!
we all paid and there was a little issue of change. some young guy with an accent politely told him he couldnt accept old notes cos of the new rules....
this got the guy going again....he left with his tail blazing hot!!
i didnt have any idea how angry he was until i saw him charging to my window....he was in fine form and he was shouting...pissed off by the others in my bus...i dont know what got into me...trully i don't..i hate it when people can't keep thier cool...it pisses me off...so i shut the window...right in his face...i didnt want to be disturbed in my book reading...
GBOAH....now that was a loud sound...the sound of the window under the power of his fist...the guy was punching the window....right beside my face...i had had enough!
hey!...that was me sticking my face from an open window...what the hell is your poblem?
he was screaming now....in yoruba for the life of me i could not understand him....so i shut the window again....he started to punch again.........
hey, can't you control your temper?
sister was on a roll...........
he fired me back with come down here and let us see.............
see what? u think i want you to take off my face with those fists of yours?
i ain't that stupid...yet.
at this time everyone else in the bus had started to shout....
i had lost my temper............did i talk to you? did you hear my voice? what is your problem?
he was shouting at me like i was a kid....i'll beat you up!
go and beat your kids at home.....drunkard...do i look like your daughter?
small girl come down let me beat you up.........in a bulls eye mister.....all i need is a phone call and you'll sleep in jail...at this time i was thinking of who i'll call with righteous indignation......at this time the whole bus park was filled with sectators.......old guy speaking yoruba and lil girl politely insulting him in english..........scallywag.....frustration ain't a nice way to wake up....if you are frustrated go shoot yourself!
hehe....that day was fun cos i was an innocent bystander with a bad attitude......i don't talk much cos i know about my acrid mouth!
at the end of the day the whole bus was in an uproar....some guy in the bus decided people were being rude to the old man and i politely asked him how else id have told the old drunk not to take my face off....he then said he wasn't reffering to me but to another person....now the "person" to whom he reffered was old enough to be his mother...she felt insulted and we were at it again....bussing can be fun!
my worst bus experience was recently. i was ill and had to take a bus home....unfortunately i slept off only to be rudely awoken by a hand on my breast!
some old guy who was sitting beside me and he had been systematically getting high....forgive me...airee by "feeling" my breast. i was so upset, i could almost cry.
when i woke up, he was shocked but not enough for me....i slapped at his hand but i trully wanted to beat him up....these are parts of my body we refer to as "private" and here a member of the public is taking liberties........when it's not a public offer?
all i could manage was a sweet smile and a "the next time you do that God would strike you down dead". that was all i said and that was because i took a minute before i spoke.....i almost cursed him...trully i so wanted to....so you see my bussing fear is grounded on some plain facts!
