the beggining of the end of the beggining!!!!

i know what that means it dont matter if you dont, ha! it might be like an online diary but i can hog some details....
today has been okey dokey...anoda day, front office wahala...old men requesting my number, young men requesting my number, one offer to move to abuja...don't know what that one is about...this is not a very good time to be at the front office of my company....you see, there is a state of emergency right now as a company whom we are registrars for is returning money offered to them for thier last public offer...so poor me sheep, thrown to wolves has to handle a lot of angry peeps every day, sometimes i have to caution myself and try not to go mad at people when they act like its in my private accout i lodged thier money in....
imagine a typical scenario of how my day starts, i get to the office before 8, had to learn to fly okada everyday, i get to work and phones are blaring...we all look at each other in chagrin and go return money... its a fight for the unfortunate person that's near the phone to calm the frustrated share holder...
i have had scenarios of i no go leave here today until you pay me my money!
young lady where is my money?????
see me go uh uh em huh huh...
today was good though, im not as tired as i usually am, maybe cos im lookin forward to tommorow and the remaining four days i wont come to work even den wan force me...i have taken all the spitting i can take for my company in the past couple of weeks, i have kept a smile in funny situations, kept a straight face when things where downright funny, dealt with different kinds of smells, did i mention spittle?
anyway, gotta go now, there's this guy looking over my shoulder...if i spend anymore time on this system, he'll be biting me....
before i leave, i need to update on the disaster that took place at work today, we girls dubbed it the pants mysteries....
first....someone bent down this morning and split her pants, unfortunately she had on a string covering har very voluminous assets so i dont need to inform you on how dat turned out....
then the zipper on my pants gave up while attending to a share holder so ive been sagging corporate trouser pants all day...thank God, e never fall, his mercy endures forever...
girlie's red robots showed up early so her pants got a mass of red thingies which of course is height of embarassment seeing she's still trying to fit in and all that, we are on the look out for the next unfortunate person that will be thought a lesson about survival of the working girls....
everything comes handy...razor blades, staple pins, a lil soap in your bag, nails, a hammer if possible, you never kno' wat could happen, so guys if you see us with enourmous bags...not too worry, we have taken this course in survival, we need our kit...
gotta go my guy is cracking his knuckles, it might be my head, his fist.....ciao!!!

hmmm

have you ever checked? did you know that there are over 2,600 bloggers in lagos alone? and over 5000 bloggers with roots from naija..im still amazed...hmmmm
naija people are deep thinkers? or we all like to write? or is it we all need a medium to express ourselves...i got a quote yesterday, let me put it up...

Times are bad, children no longer obey thier parents and everyone is writing a book...
Marcus Tullius Cicero a statesman, orator and writer....

true or false? wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

a diet?

im thinking, now ive been warned millions of times that i mention my weight a bit too much to say im comfortable with it...
really, im not to crazy about being slim but im not too crazy about looking like some mountain either, its every girls pet project to say they are watching thier weight, i think it has a way of making us feel responsible for something...i dunno
anywaay, for me,it seem when i want to watch my weight, i watch it grooooooooooooow...lol
but when i pay it no attention?
a ha! that's when the compliments flood in, oooo girl u look good, u r loosing weight, gush, gush, the blah,the blah, the blah,
faaaaaaaaaabulous.......
i've been on a kind of diet recently...lol....not true of course, consumed about 24 borttles of coke last week...im an absolute cokeaholic...not the kind u snort o...abeg i no dey that kain toory...i just love coke, its my aphrodisiac, my high, my low, i get sad, its coke, im really happy, its coke, wanna celebrate something?
right on the money, its coke again...large, medium, small,bottle,pet,can....GIVE IT TO MEEEEEE!!!

ok, im done with the coke ads for now...omo oni je ku ke osi...lol

i really hate it when people mention my weight,i feel like i weigh a feather...c,mon, i move better than the rest of em!
i dont feel fat...i even find it funny when peeps talk about my weight..like at work, i take a lot of tea and coffee...so last week i got tired of it, variety is said to be spicy, right?

so i asked for chocolatey M I L O and started my milo diet with lots of creamy mik on monday, guess id been annoying folks for a while drinking milo while they took boring ol tea..someone had to complain....

so sippin ma chocolate, minding no one's bizness, was shocked to find vera cruz had been minding mine...digressing, doesn't a name like vera cruz, make you think of a mexican hunk of some sort or at least lets manage a nigerian one,
neways vera cruz comes all up in ma face with a disgusted no wonder you are fat, see what u r consuming! ul just be bigging, bigging everywhere...lol

was so amused i had to burst out laughing...with all the tea in ma mouth...hanging and splashing...served him right,drenched him thru and thru...hope he got chocolate in his brain...it was wickid...laughed like id die laughing,the thing was that proved my theory about eating in public, people think stuff in thier mind even though they might not say it, everytime they see a big "watch the quote", person eating in public...

for crying out loud it was just tea...cos its chocolate tea and i weigh 85kg dont mean its a crime, cmon give a girl a break......

i need to eat a pizza in front of the guy, just that i nibble on food so that wont put him off, maybe just once, ill put on a show for his benefit....eat like he expects a big,watch the quote, person should...

he's just a closeminded lil boy....lol,ill probably confirm that hidden experiment he"s been carrying out on fat peeps since his childhood....come over here i wanna feel a questionnaire boy...feel ma anger, tsheeew...

said ill talk about ma date abi?

almost didn't...

see me see trouble o, trying to reduce the list of guys that think they have the hots for me....a good name for a show, think yu have the hots for fifi? in the same line as you think you can dance and america's got talent....with the amount of applicants now, we'll be sold out in the first inning...

neway, was trying to convince this guy he didnt know me enuf to have the hots for me right?
so i agreed to date him, noooooooooooooooooo, that sounds so wrong, agree to go out on a date with him once for him to figure it out...i see some of you smart ones shaking your head, y una no tell me before i go?

shut up ther! u no talk nothing!

so ill just say i achieved nothing, spent the whole evening not there...he didnt even notice, i did everything but listen to him, he still didnt get to know me and whats the worst part....he still thinks he has the hots for me!!

i tire, maybe id do it again to wreck his life, i dunno...like just ma luck...spill water on him, upset the waitress, fall down the escalator, i need to do something to make him forget i exist...
any ideas people?
gotta go now, got drama rehearsals

ciao....xxx

tadaa!

today, i wore good shoes, today i have a hot date with a killer wheeler money dealer hunky punky young successful guy...lol

not dat thats a big deal just wanted to describe him like dat for no reason at all....hunk alert on, but has he got a brain? tune in tommorow...for more details...lol

ok, today i also realised i dont like guys that much, there is none of them that actually does completely trip me,

i can do the dates, like the date i have tonight...hmmm
i can do hanging out, but where's the guy who will be with me and only me?
he seems to exist only in my girlish fantasies, u know those ones where you are cinderella,snow white and rapunzel all wrapped in one?

i wish....

well, alls well that ends well and the rest of that fairytale hogwash...lol

im on an emotional trip like im high or sumthing
sometimes im all chirpy and nutty like i was just checking out some ones ass for crying out loud, who does dat?

and sometimes i feel like crying then the inner me i dunno, me myself or i goes brace up girlfriend, r u ok?
i never cry...lol, i see some of my friends going yeah right...lol but thats y u r ma friend, i can cry in front of you....

anyway, thru with ma ugly shoe revolt, tryin to revolt against front office now...wearing just shirts to work, looking more sexy than usual so i dont get put there just in case customers think looking down ma bust line is far more preety than revalidating thier dividend warrants...lol

and there's that date im trying not to talk about....i thinkl i need a hook up badly abi, what do u think?

and today i sent a proposal in trying to loose ma absolutely boringly normal life and stood on one leg, did the deed and now im getting favourable responses so ill soon have to cumpulsorily go for parties and book launches...good ones, women stuff, youth stuff, comedy raves and movie releases...look at me sounding like i live in hollywood carlifornia...lol

i mean Ali Baba's shows, AY's shows, night of a thousand laffs, meet Betty Irabor,Funmi Iyanda and those nigerian females we think are all dat, trying to make ma life fun....it will be fun, i promise myself, i wont moon over maself nemore,
im hot!

like a co worker said and i quote im sweet,charming,cool,calming,soothing,sexy and absolutely cute!

catch y'all later

ciao

xxxxx

bribery

i just overheard a conversation, guess what?
ma H.O.P and ma bosses deputy were just dropping ma name for a front desk position which in ma office is considered as the position right next to the big shots...am i being bribed?
and Fola holla back does this come with a raise?

yeah the job is killing me nowadays, got so much to do and u pay me so lil...lol
i did promise to stop bugging on the pay packet...pardon me...cowries, that im being paid, mentioned for the last time...
a friend of mine just started his own blog, free ad space? boy they dont pay me enuf...oops, not again...lol

so check out tatafohq.blogspot.com and meet up with one of the craziest yet most intense people i knw....ad break...lol

wanted to name this post ugly shoes cos as a riot protest this week, ive been wearing just dat to work.... ok, wont mention ma cowries again butthats wat im protesting for...

started working with finery but the shoes i wore yesterday, i swore id never wear immediately i saw ma mumz bring em outta her bag, they are wat i call ma ugly betty shoes, wish i could put up a picture, maybe later...
they look like they were made for men, i do that with ma slips but never with shoes, i have ugly feet so ugly shoes? just make them a sight to behold...

today, i went clomp clomp in shoes i had to fish out from under ma bed, the cemetery of all ma old shoes, i carefully cleaned off the dust shut ma eyes and put ma feet in them, they were crying for mercy, believe me i heard em...i dont wanna, ma left foot sighed...u cant make me!!! that was ma right foot exercising its freedom of speech

but i ignored them and went clomp clomp to ma living room only to hear ma baby bro go...no not those shoes!

he tried but the revolt must go on, tommorows shoes have been repaired 30 sumthing times over, no cute feet for this chick...lol
if i get put at front desk, i knw a good tactic to scare customers away...put ma feet up!! lol

ooops!

okay, people shoulda noticed ma picture went bye bye, had ma boss read ma blog,that was more crazy than i ever thought this could get....
maybe i didnt think it through, getting a blog is like a diary the whole world reads...
neway ma thoughts have been going real nutty recently, gotta catch ma self sumtimes, im getting bored with evrything so wierd stuff really wierd stuff appeals to me now, i was at work one day, normal day, boring as hell, and the thought occurs to me, what happens if i climb a table and start a striptease?
pass me a pole someone, i need to do the slide or the milkshake....
im gonna loose ma job one of these days...lol
like im at work and thinking who in here is cute enough for me to make out with in the bathroom, guys if you read this im trully sorry i picked none of y'all, y'all are ma homies....

ok away from the crazy thoughts that have bewitched ma thoughts nowadays.....
i seem to do something fun sha,
maybe smoke igbo or do cocaine....dunno?
i wanna quit ma job though, seem to be as unsteady and as unfocused as ever.....
i wanna quit cos theres no money there, never received as lil money aas im being offered now, never!!!

ill stop griping about that when ma salary is increased, yes Fola, increase my salary!!!
or ill sue...just kidding about legal issues, would like a salary increase please....

by the way sendidng out forms for those who want to apply to be ma aristo...conditions and terms apply....
apply here, watch this spot...viva!

im back!

hey people, i cant believe it ma self....ma blog, im here, i'm here.... Rolly had to scold me terribly before i decided to come back, thanks sweets
but hey im back so no bother.....


whats been happening...hmmm, if i am correct the last time i was here was way over in august last year, wow, its been a while. anyway whats happened since...well not much, let me see... nothing?

ok a whole lot happened that im wondering which one would be safe to talk about. i think i spoke on ma graduation abi? that one na long story i stil dont feel like sharing.

ok, let me see...i started working recently and talking bout the different characters here would get ma ass whooped...lol.

but wait this place na goldmine o, the characters alone can get me rights for a storybook, ok let me start with ma first day. no taking this personal people, ok?

i go talk, ma first day at work...hmm

i walked into work that monday on shaky legs, me fresh meat from grad school, i no no anything, j.j.c with ma fancy shirt and wobbly heels, im no heel wearing someborri but due to work i don begin to dey feel like big chick.

i walked up to the counter and told the lady ther who ill refer only as missy,

me: ill like to see the m.d please, im from mr. such n such

missy:( looking me over), he's not around, (smackin kpchew kpchew gum) you can hav a seat.

me: in ma mind, no tear ma cloth o..thank God i wore Hawkes and Curtis

while seating i looked round ma future prison, na me my mama con throw here to make responsible....

no fine boys...damn!
chicks dey small?
mentally counting thru ma wardrobe...jeans..nope, jeans....nope, Ye, i no get cloth...
unless i start a revolution and start to wear jeans and tops to the office....no way,

ok, point stated, i no get cloth to go to work...and thats important...while sitting there trying not to talk to maself before missy thinks na craze person wey come see m.d, in walked Mini boss with a Tiny lugging a laptop like three times her weight....

ma first deductions, ok, ogas daaughter, on holiday?

anyway, im terribly tired...i cant keep goin thru d motions of eveything that went thru ma mind cos a million things go thru ma mind a minute.

met da bossman, got reffered to Mini boss who introduced me to those id be working with, ma mind started to wander

he walked me into a room and showed me a humongous pile of certificates, in ma mind im like

shuo, una no hear say na Bsc i carry come?

hes smiling like he offered me ice cream

as he left the room ma alter ego started a conversation with him in ma subconcious...

Bros abeg show,

wetin be this?

den tel u say i dey no get work for house?

abi i look like i dey that desperate wey i go come dey put something for envelope, na wetin i wear ma fine shirt come this place do abi?

THUNDER FIRE U! tufiA

but i did none of that,

I shut ma alter ego up and behaved myself

i did that for three days, swearing and cursing the whole time through

under ma breath of course....na who born me well?

the next day i swore to maselfthat i was thru with crappy jobs, i wont wait to be given something to do, ill give myself a job... nothing do me...stood at the doorway to the outer office and browsed.

hmmm, boring, boring, boring, boring, i go die o, wow, yawn, yawn, na wa!

i want to go back to school....what do you think?

im tired of writing ill be back viva!

is it me or this thing no dey flow, maybe wat exskulnerd said is true...ther must be bloggers block in the air!!

viva neway!